loss

I just received news via Twitter that a bus from First Baptist Church in Shreveport, Louisiana (USA) rolled over enroute to a weeklong youth retreat. A 14-year-old lad was killed in the accident, and a number of other passengers have serious injuries including the daughter of one of the pastors. From reports on the local paper’s website, the church congregation received the news just before their Sunday morning worship service.

Looking at the responses to this news, there is an outpouring of love, prayers, and hope for all to work out well (i.e. Romans 8:28). But there is also a large element of anger, questioning, grief—and I can only begin to imagine how those close to the situation feel.

My heart goes out to all those who had children or family members on this bus and what they are feeling right now. My prayers are with them.

Yesterday I heard from our drummer at church that a young 10-year-old girl, the daughter of a family friend and a much-loved student at a local school, died of heart failure. She had a history of heart trouble and was on the list for a transplant. Her grandpa’s funeral was only the day before, so her family has to deal with two tragic events in quick succession.

Last week I received an email from my mum who told me that a longtime friend of our family had received a diagnosis of terminal cancer. Her family is very close and are understandably devastated by this news. I cannot comprehend what they’re going through knowing that they have only months—or weeks—until their mother is no longer with them.
There are so many things I—and anyone—could say to these people who are in a place of deep loss and profound grief. I could say ‘Trust God. He knows how you feel;’ which is true but so detached from the situation. I could say ‘All things work together for good to those who love God;’ which also is true, but so clichéd that it sounds trivial and pointless at such a time.

Truth is, if I were in any one of these scenarios that these friends are in at this point in time, I would think that all this talk of ‘God meant it for good,’ and ‘God knows what he’s doing’ is a load of coswallup! I would probably go so far as to ban any well-intentioned, predestinarian Christian from stepping within 1000 metres of my house. I would be angry, upset, in pain and inner turmoil.

As humans, we have emotional, spiritual, and physical attachments to other people, especially to family. We experience grief, and this shows itself in anger, doubt, frustration, and deep sorrow when we lose what is dear to us. This is normal. We should allow ourselves and those affected by such loss to grieve in whatever way they can, for the loss of any human life is tragic. It’s a reminder that we are human—the only difference is that some of us will live to a ripe old age, and others will leave this life earlier.

Should we blame God? I know theologian Bart Ehrmann struggled with this question so much that he decided Christianity wasn’t an option for him, and took another path that made more sense to him. Right or wrong, this may be a choice some need to make.

The reality is that there is so much suffering in this world. It’s a cauldron’s-brew of self-inflicted trauma, man-made conditions, the result of poor choices, the outcome of greed and hunger for power, a cruel blow by nature, or simply a tyre that blows out while you’re travelling down a highway early in the morning.

It’s not God’s fault that these things happen. We may not see cause to blame anyone or anything because we don’t know the full story—faulty tyre? Nail on the road? Valve blowout?

The question is not ‘Could God have prevented it?’ Nor is it ‘Why did God allow this to happen?’ I believe that God has given humanity freedom to make their own decisions and to follow their own path, and, as a rule, he chooses not to intervene. This is not a callous act of indifference for we know that God is pure love. Rather this is an act of allowing us to be responsible for own selves as well as corporately for each other and all humankind. God wants nothing greater for us than the realisation of our maturity, the growing of our character, and the nurture of our spirit as we journey through life. Through things that happen to us, in us and around us (circumstances), we develop into the kind of people we were created to be.

“My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1:2-4, NRSV)

Though painful at times, we can choose to accept whatever happens with joy, knowing there is a redeeming value in suffering, pain and loss.

I know it’s going to be very difficult and I don’t want for a moment to trivialise the grief that is felt. God never denies anyone the right to feel loss and sorrow, pain and heartache. Be assured, he feels it more profoundly than we do. Rather he tells us to embrace this moment and be free to question him and his love, feel anger, express sorrow, because this is part of becoming people whose roots grow deep and whose lives are profoundly shaped by experience. And when we are ready, he is there with open arms to comfort us and give us the courage and strength to face tomorrow.

To all who are suffering, wherever you find yourself today, my prayer for you is for deep peace, hope, to be surrounded by those who love you, and a very real sense of God with you every moment today and tomorrow.

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